there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
