Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
