Your mouth is God's brothel.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
you never un-have a 4some
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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