she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
