so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Randomize
