I'm gonna have a badass scar
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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