um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
