"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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