ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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