I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
