He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
did i walk over a car last night?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
