sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
