Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
