escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
