So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize