So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
