I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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