Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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