I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
