TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
