I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
