based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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