dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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