Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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