do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
