More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
