I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
3pm strippers are depressing
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
