Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
