Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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