I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
