My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
