If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
