He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
