so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
