Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
