So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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