Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
