I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
did i walk over a car last night?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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