i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
