i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
