Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
