alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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