Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
