I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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