White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We need a shit load of segways right now
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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