I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
