I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
