Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
