I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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