Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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