Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
