I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
