Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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