like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
