he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
