We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
