Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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