i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
