The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
