i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
