The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
