i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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