Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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