i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Randomize
