I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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