What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
