Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
