Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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