just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
